How Does Emotional Abuse Affect Self-Esteem
Research shows that the parenting style used during the first 3 to 4 years of a child’s life is one of the strongest factors influencing their level of self-esteem.
What is Parenting Style?
Parenting style refers to how parents treat, guide, and nurture their young. It encompasses the verbal and non-verbal messages that parents communicate to a child about how lovable, worthy, capable, acceptable, and important they are.
From infancy to childhood, a child’s sense of self is shaped by how they are treated and what they are told by their parents and primary caregivers. Infants, in particular, have no knowledge of themselves as separate individuals; they rely entirely on their parents’ feedback to form their self-image.
When parents consistently show affection, love, and encouragement, and set appropriate boundaries, children grow up feeling confident, secure, and capable of achieving their potential. Conversely, when parents neglect their needs, criticize them incessantly, withhold love and affection, place excessive demands, or are overly controlling, children may develop a distorted and diminished sense of self-worth. Over time, this can lead to a crushed self-esteem as a result of emotional abuse.
Types of Emotional Abuse and Their Impact on Self-Esteem
- Hypercriticism
Hypercritical parents tend to talk down to their children, making them feel stupid or embarrassed for not meeting unreasonable expectations. These parents are often impossible to please and frequently find fault in everything their children do. They may use phrases like “You should be ashamed of yourself,” “What is wrong with you?” “You will never amount to anything,” or “You are stupid,” to ridicule and humiliate.
- Effects on Self-Esteem: Children raised by hypercritical parents often suffer from extremely low self-esteem, a strong sense of unworthiness, and self-hatred. The underlying message they internalize is, “I am a bad person.”
- Neglect
In emotional neglect, parents may provide for their children’s basic needs but remain uninvolved or uninterested in their emotional lives. Neglect has more to do with what parents fail to do than what they do. Physically, neglectful parents may not provide enough nurturing, such as holding or hugging their children. Emotionally, they may be unable to show empathy or provide comfort when their children are in distress.
- Effects on Self-Esteem: Children who experience emotional neglect often feel unwanted and unlovable. They may display behaviors of extreme neediness or defensiveness as they struggle with feelings of rejection and insignificance.
- Abandonment or Rejection
Abandonment can be both physical and emotional. Physical abandonment might occur through death, divorce, or illness. Emotional abandonment happens when parents use the silent treatment, push the child away, or pass on parental responsibilities to someone else. Statements like “Can’t you see I’m busy?” “Go away,” or “Don’t bother me” convey rejection.
- Effects on Self-Esteem: Children who experience consistent abandonment tend to suffer from intense insecurity, self-obsession, and self-loathing. They may internalize the belief, “I am unworthy.” As adults, they often lack the confidence needed to reach their full potential.
Clarifying Emotional Abuse
It’s important to clarify what constitutes emotional abuse, as the term carries strong negative connotations. Emotional abuse is a pattern of negative behavior directed at a person over a prolonged period. Occasional hurtful words or actions do not amount to abuse. Even the best parents may inadvertently say or do insensitive things to their children from time to time.
Emotional abuse doesn’t have to be intentional to cause harm. Many parents and caregivers who engage in abusive behaviors may have low self-esteem themselves and be unaware of the damaging effects their actions have on their children’s sense of self. Often, they are merely repeating patterns learned from their own parents, rarely stopping to question the appropriateness of their behaviors.
Recovery is Possible
Regardless of the type of emotional abuse experienced, it is possible to recover from low self-esteem with the right guidance and support. Low self-esteem often stems from internalizing false beliefs imparted by emotionally unbalanced caregivers during childhood. Identifying and understanding where these falsehoods originated is a crucial step in recovering self-esteem.
Take the first step towards restoring your self-esteem. Call Evelyn at 96980688 now to start your journey with simple, proven techniques.
